Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
