Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
