I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i dont even know how to be here
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
