mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
