i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
