Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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