Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
