ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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