I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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