I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
