update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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