Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
