how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
