I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
