If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
organizing the empties. That sober.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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