Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
