why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
