Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
