i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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