this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
