the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
