WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
