When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
