At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
