I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
