so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
