I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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