she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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