If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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