Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
