Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
