i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
