Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
