no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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