Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
