they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My bed smells like the plague
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
