Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
