you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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