he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
