Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
