i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
