I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need to align my fucking chakras
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
