have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
