All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
