Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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