she woke up with a sticky ear
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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