Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
