Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
