The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
