I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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