If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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