i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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